hotel room ftw
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
i out mim tonsoeep
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