So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
