I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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