god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
