my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
