make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
