and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
