he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
