We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize