the new term for farting is butt boxing.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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