my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
