guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
