My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
