Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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