I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
