Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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