There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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