First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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