Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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