Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
