As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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