I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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