I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
