Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
