chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Mom said you looked used
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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