I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
