Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
