I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
