She said her name was "party"
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
