Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
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can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
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Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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