Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
