i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
