I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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