let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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