can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
