i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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