Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
