I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
