He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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