Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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