I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
