I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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