he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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