we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
