Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize