what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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