y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
