she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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