He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Randomize
