dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize