I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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