We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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