I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
