No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
