good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
