Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
