i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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