yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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