is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I intend to get homeless drunk
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
