I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
