I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
