My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
