What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
