Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
