You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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