ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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