If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I need a beard to bite.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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