No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
