we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
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What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
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One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
If its not for food we ain't going out.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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